Job hunting sucks.

So you know those goals we set for ourselves?  Mine was "I'll have a job and move out by 18".

Boy did that one fail.  

So then, my next one was "I'll have a job and be moved out by 20"

That one is pretty much a fail.  I'm going to turn 20 next month, and no job.

I started job searching before I turned 18, and almost two years later I haven't gotten a single call back.

I'm not sure if I'm doing something wrong, or if I just have awful luck.

Primarily I've been putting applications in online, because whenever I go places and ask for applications, they always say they do online applications.

Maybe that's just a polite rejection..?

I'd love to get into bartending.  My aunt was a bartender at my age, she said it was a great experience and decent money for the hours.

I was thinking about taking a bartending class, but the only places that had classes were like an hour away from me, and while I do have a license, I do not have insurance or a car.  So I'd have to figure out the bus system, and it'd take like two and a half hours to get there, then however long the class is, there were a few that were a couple hours, a few that were basically all day, and then I'd have to get home.  If I took the all day classes, would the buses even be running still?

So, I didn't actually do that, as you can see, there were some issues.

I ended up buying an online course thing, learn at your own pace kind of thing.  

The problem with that is that I have to practice on my own, and I'm very bad at that.

The next job I'd like, if I can't get bartending, is waitressing or being a barback.  Tips, and the possibility of being able to move up to bartending at some point is very appealing to me.

But at this point, two years of job searching, I'm very discouraged.  I'm literally putting in applications everywhere nearby.

It has to be nearby, because I don't have a car. 

I actually sort of had a possible bartending job lined up...I became friends with a guy on an online dating site who was opening his own bar.

It was in the same vicinity as the bartending schools, though.  Like, an hour away by car.  I kind of feel bad that I let that opportunity slip by.

Sigh.  Well, there's not really any point in dwelling.  

He's holding interviews tomorrow, and I haven't practiced enough bartending to be comfortable trying.  

Not that I could get there, anyway.  

That ship has sailed.

I think I'll start working harder on the lessons I got from the online bartending course.  

It has two quizzes and a test that you can take once you're comfortable, and then they supposedly help you get a job bartending.

As far as I know it's just that they find local bartending opportunities and tell you about them.  Not a guaranteed job or anything.

Anyway, enough rambling.

I'll write more later.

SheWhoMustWearHats

Overthinking things kinda sucks.

Well, today was fun.  

I woke up a little before 12:00, lounged around in bed for another half hour, and had a leisurely half hour to get ready and eat something before going off to the concert party thing.  It was really cold.

The practice was at 2:00, and the concert at 4:00.  It was outside.  The house we were at was owned by one of the people who conducts the symphonette orchestra, there's a tennis court, they have a pool with a great backyard, and, in the backyard there's this large square of grass where they have wooden panels to make a dance floor.  Pretty nice house.

We performed in the tennis court.  It was solos first, then duets, then the orchestra.  The whole concert in all probably didn't take more than 45 minutes, but it was a long, cold 45 minutes.  

After that, we went inside where there were drinks and snacks.  The drinks were soda, tea, and hot chocolate.  

For the snacks, there were lots of cookies, there was a vegetable tray, some brownies, a pan of lasagna (that didn't stay hot for long), and a crockpot with bean soup in it (which I got a rough recipe for, and intend to attempt to make at some point.  I'll write it down here so I don't forget.).

Three cans of any beans of your choice

Two cans of cream of mushroom soup

One green chili, finely chopped

Half an onion, finely chopped and sautéed

Cheese of your choice, to taste

Salt, to taste

Pepper, to taste

I talked with the mother of the bass player for a bit.  We actually had quite a nice conversation.  At some point durning the conversation, we got on the topic of shopping for clothes and shoes.  She suggested the stores Last Chance, and My Sister's Closet.  I've heard of My Sister's Closet, but not been to either that or the other.  Definitely something to look in to though.

So, the overthinking thing...since I started blogging again, which was like, not even a week ago...

I've wondered why I'm blogging again.  I blogged before because I thought it would be fun.  It wasn't really, in my opinion.

Then I blogged because a friend of mine also blogged, and we sort of encouraged each other to blog.  We made it a bit of a competition.

That didn't last long though, because to be honest, I didn't find his blogs very interesting.  I don't know if I'd still share the sentiment, but back when I was younger, his blogs were rather boring.  And likewise, I believed that my blogs were of no interest to him either.  

Then I started a vlog, and the few times I vlogged were because I watch a lot of vloggers on youtube, and I thought it looked fun.  

My problem with vlogging and blogging in general is that I don't really like sharing personal things on the Internet, because anyone can find them if they look hard enough.  Once it's on the Internet, it's no longer private.

But I like the idea of sharing.  I like the idea of someone reading my blog, or watching my vlog, and it making them smile, or laugh.  

Because sometimes I can be having a terrible day, and then I watch a vlogger, and it's just relaxing.  I can throw away my paltry problems for a moment and revel in the words or actions of another.  Sometimes all it takes to brighten my day is one vlogger making me smile.

And that might seem kind of odd.  Like, if your day is brightened by such a puny thing, then it's probably just as easily darkened with something of equal annoyance or irritation.  But it doesn't seem like that.  I don't know..I'm not really explaining this very well. 

But I suppose it doesn't really matter, after all, no one is reading this.

I don't know....

I've just been asking myself that since I started writing again..

Why bother to write or vlog if no one is reading or watching..?

I don't know.  Maybe it's that small possibility that someone will read or watch it, and it'll make them smile?

I've considered telling my friends that I'm blogging again, but they're not really who I want to read.  I don't really want my family reading either.

I'm not entirely sure why...

Maybe I feel like, if they read then I can't talk about them honestly? But I probably wouldn't talk about them in the first place...

Maybe I feel like they'll judge me, and they're the ones who's opinions I actually care about?

Eh, I'm not really sure..

Regardless, it's midnight, I should go to bed.

Lovely talking to you, as always.

Ciao,

SheWhoMustWearHats